Energy Drinks

For reasons that are none of your business, I have recently been sampling every energy drink on the market.  Red Bull. Monster. Rock Star. Red Rain.  They can it, I drink it.  I have arrived at two ineffable conclusions:  1) They taste exactly the same and 2) Their only active ingredient is caffeine.  
 

The options on the energy drink shelves in America’s supermarkets and 7-11 refrigerators is sorely lacking.  We need more of these damn things to choose from.  Here are my product ideas – names and copy ripped right from the side of the can.

ApeShit

Tired of being tired? Grab life by the balls, assrape it, rip off its head, and piss in its dead skull! Go ApeShit!

Strap-On

Can’t get it up for that big presentation to the boss?  Strap on our long, thick 16 ouncer and make that pitch more penetrating than any you’ve ever given...   Strap it on, bitches!!!!

The Final Solution

Mental clarity, focus, energy and ethnic cleansing – they can all be yours with FS.  Master your race with our scientifically supercharged brew. Now with proprietary ingredient Zyklon B!  Purify your bloodstream -   Seig Heil!