Meet Bob and Judy

Installment from "The Bowling Ball in the Freezer and Other Secrets of a Highly Efficient You." Copyright 2008, all rights reserved.

These two are my favorite clients. I’ve worked with them both for a number of years. I’ve helped them achieve professional goals, reach undreamed of emotional fulfillment, and evade the police when necessary.

In this book, I’m going to give you a look inside the heads of these two now-successful Americans. They probably won’t be very happy when they learn I have published straight from their case files, and that’s exactly why I gave them 20 percent off my usual fee for signing a disclosure agreement!

Bob T. This man is a regional manager for a large American conglomerate of consumer retail brands. These are brand names you know. You’ve eaten way too much of their salty snack foods, you’ve wiped your ass with their toilet paper, and you’ve sure gotten a lot of their junk mail. In many ways, Bob, and people just like Bob, have made our economy what it is today. And, yes, Bob’s a sociopath. He’s twice divorced, thank God he doesn’t have any kids, and he has some serious sexual perversions. He suffers artery-bursting bouts of rage from years of workplace abuse. But we need to look on those as creative outbursts, not just paranoid episodes of lethal anger. And I’ve never met so human an animal. Bob is the living, breathing, very real essence of what you and I would be if we took some powerful drug that stripped away our ethical schema, empathy, and impulse control. We can learn a lot from Bob.

Judy G. is one crazy bitch. When she first came to me she was homeless. She’s still homeless, but now she’s rich, too – she doesn’t need a home, she just barges into the Hamptons estates of rich, successful people who are afraid of her, people who would kill for her interfacing ability and leveraging skills. When those acquaintances aren’t home, she hooks up with pretty much any living creature in the vicinity, and sleeps her way to the top of the local food chain. She doesn’t just sponge off rich, interesting people – she steals their ideas, saps their life force, and assumes their identities. When she has consumed or perverted the natural and intellectual resources in a local ecosystem, she moves on. She’s like some kind of horrible parasitic alien life-form that keeps spreading and can’t be stopped, not even with radiation. How does she do it and manage the East Coast’s top-grossing outcall escort service at the same time?

Read on…