Ten Second Gourmet – Cooking with Wine

From the recipe box of Dr. Porker:

Before you even crack the "Joy of Cooking" to find some outrageously implausible recipe, uncork a cheap but sturdy Beaujolais. You'll find it refreshing and amusing.

While you look at the pictures on how to dress wild game, which has nothing to do with the mac and cheese you are actually going to make, move on to the Costco-sized bottle of 2007 Pinot Noir from the Pennsylvania coast.

Drink directly from the Chardonnay box wine spigot to cool off while grating the cheese.

Always sip tawny port from plastic children's Ronald MacDonald glasses during any kind of sautéing.

As things truly begin to degenerate, decant that old bottle of Claret you were saving to celebrate the promotion you never got. Finding it long gone corky, and with the nose of an old dead whore, splash liberally into the unidentifiable mess in pan to see what nuance that will add.

Declare evening a smashed success.